I hate - A Jenn Original Sonnet

I hate the way I expect everything to be perfect
when it's not
I hate the way I expect him to fix me
when he can't.
I hate the way I cry
When I don't know why.
I hate this feeling of absolute emptiness in the pit of my stomach
That never goes away.
I hate painful images that blur together
so that I can never quite see what they are.
I hate relying on others to get me ahead.
When they are just as behind.
I hate being jealous
when I am so loved.
I hate being envious
when I am fortunate.
I hate being fat
when inside lies a seething waif.
I hate being told I'm wrong
even when I know it's true.
I hate the fact that the one thing I truly want to have
I will never get.
I hate that I wake up each morning
And go to sleep each night
with the feeling of something missing.
I hate funerals,
I hate hospitals
I hate death
I hate dying
I hate, I hate, I hate
that my life is filled with "I hates..."