For my best friend?

I miss her - but I'm sure she hates me - I don't know if we have drifted apart or just stop caring about one another - it seems like everytime we talk it's a fight to see who can spew the first nasty word - or a test to see who will give in fastest by hanging up the phone or walking out and ending a conversation.
How is it that people who were once inseperable - have become so completely estranged?
She knows that I love her but wait - does she really?
I think that in order to get over any harsh words we have said between each other you need to confront what was said - talk about why you said it and why you still feel that way...
Isn't friendship about communication.
I am happy - But I was happier being her friend.
I am content - But I was more content to be her best friend.
I'm calm - But I was a lot calmer when I was her friend.
She's got a new best friend now and I've done my best to come to terms with that.
I don't think that she even reads this anymore - I don't know if she cares.
However one thing I am sure of is - she's not going to call me or contact me because just like I am she's stubborn - we were like sisters - maybe that's why we drive each other nuts.
I want to call her and tell her I got a new job that I start on Monday... or that we found a new place to live and we will be moving May 15th - or that our trip to Ontario is fastly approaching and I'm nervous about meeting Petes family.
I just miss her laugh - her stories - her friendship.
But I don't know how to say I'm sorry for everything without compromising my feelings or the anger I have inside of me - but wishing and hoping that she will come to me first is useless - because she's just like me.
So I'll post this blog and hope that she reads it and maybe contacts me if only to say one word.
Happy Birthday Darling - I'm sorry I missed it - You're no longer a teen and you didn't want me there to celebrate - I don't blame you.
I don't want me around either.

Jenn