For my one and only Melinda!

Ok so Mel - don't bitch that I never write anything about you in here.... Mel is good people - I enjoy having her in my life because we are able to talk about honest to god everything and give each other important advice and learn from each others mistakes ( well at least so far!)
I have been having conflict of interest in this crazy mixed up world I usually call my life or lack there of and she has been very supportive.
I have times where I become so completely consumed with one emotion and sometimes - in an instant I'm feeeling a completely different mood -
Peanut Gallery: "Yes Jenn - it's called Bi Polar..."
Jenn: Fuck you Peanut Gallery
Jenn swears like a sailor and often refers to herself in third person.
I whine a lot for a life that is pretty damn good - I crave perfection which is stupid because you can never attain something THAT unattainable...

So my problem du jour or the problem that I encounter every month or so - is not being able to let go of my past - and today as I ripped through a box of old videos to find the one special one that I wanted Melinda to witness - she humored me - for over an hour - For that Mel I am so deeply appreciative - who understands me better then you - woman to woman I'm so glad you're here for me - I love you babe ...

I think I'll hold of on dispensing with the drama for another month but thanks for being there with me - it's easier with you there - because I don't clutch a stuffed animal and cry for something I no longer have.

Jenn

xoxo

Random Blurbage

So today is my last day working for NCR - I have to say WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!
There isn't a snowmans chance in hell that I would ever come back to work here.
Not even for Jo and Dean - and I LOVE Jo and Dean.
This is just one of the crappiest jobs I have ever had - stress wise that is - the money and hours were pretty good - Now I'm getting better hours and MO' MONEY!
WOOT!
Anyways Back on the ranch...
I'm kind of distracted writing this post - I'm working - well more like slacking...
I've just been taking calls and assigning calls every so often..
Meh....
What are they going to do fire me?

So I've been working on a problem that I have - A problem with jealousy - I'm working on steps to overcome jealousy and remembering the tips I've been given when I start to feel jealous.
When I feel jealous it's normally because Pete mentions a girls name or something a girl said or anything to generally deal with another woman. For some reason when that happens I imagine him cheating on me and all of these thoughts fill my mind with ANGRY jealousy.
So when I have those thoughts - instead of telling Pete how I feel I'm writing it down in a secret journal and rationalizing it - because the problem I have is getting angry really fast and then realizing how stupid it sounded AFTER the fact. Which is dumb... because the only thing I am doing is hurting Pete... which is something he doesn't deserve as he has done nothing wrong.

I'm also trying to figure out what all of these trust issues are about. Pete is my partner - companion - I love him and I have to tell myself when I feel this way that he loves me too and I am just plain crazy for feeling this way in the first place.

So far it's working - I am able to control my feelings.

More later.

Jenn

Update

For those of you who don't know - a lot of things have changed in my life...
Heres an update on what's new in the life of Jenn.

( 1.) I've started talking to my sister again - it's good because we are finally talking about the things we should have talked about 4 years ago... We are finally understanding her and now I can try to help her with her problems and have her help me with mine... because believe me - they're plentiful. lol.

( 2.) I've stopped talking to Jacki - not by choice - by force - she's not interested in talking to me so - we don't talk - I think I'll let her do the coming around - but I really do miss her - see previous entry.

( 3.) I got a new job at Sunwest Graphics in St.James as a Lead CSR - I'll have my own office - won't be attached to a headset - $12.00/hr to start - they even have a gym on site. I'm so glad to be getting out of NCR - I hate it here now - it makes me miserable. Most of the people here are so unwelcoming - they have their own little cliques and the other half are bitter that this is where they have ended up in life. Leave it to me though to finally start making friends here and now I'm freakin leaving.

( 4.) Pete and I have a new home as of May 15th. Pretty exciting. We got a place on 27 Alloway St. It's the main floor of a house and we have an entire basement for storage - washer and dryer and second bedroom-ish down there. Some pictures are attached to this of the living room and kitchen... it's beautiful there - I can't wait to move in - ew even have sliding oak doors right when you walk into the house. I'll attach that picture too.

(5.) Pete and I are also going to visit his family at the end of May in Ontario - this vacation was a long awaited trip - I can't wait to get away... it should be a lot of fun.

( 6.) I joined up at Curves fitness center with my mom and am starting to lose weight by eating better and getting fit - I can't wait to see how I look when summer roles around! WILL POWER VS. CHEESCAKE! I can do it!!!


But anyways That's what's new in the life of Jenn - whew. It's a mouthful.



Love,

Jenn

For my best friend?

I miss her - but I'm sure she hates me - I don't know if we have drifted apart or just stop caring about one another - it seems like everytime we talk it's a fight to see who can spew the first nasty word - or a test to see who will give in fastest by hanging up the phone or walking out and ending a conversation.
How is it that people who were once inseperable - have become so completely estranged?
She knows that I love her but wait - does she really?
I think that in order to get over any harsh words we have said between each other you need to confront what was said - talk about why you said it and why you still feel that way...
Isn't friendship about communication.
I am happy - But I was happier being her friend.
I am content - But I was more content to be her best friend.
I'm calm - But I was a lot calmer when I was her friend.
She's got a new best friend now and I've done my best to come to terms with that.
I don't think that she even reads this anymore - I don't know if she cares.
However one thing I am sure of is - she's not going to call me or contact me because just like I am she's stubborn - we were like sisters - maybe that's why we drive each other nuts.
I want to call her and tell her I got a new job that I start on Monday... or that we found a new place to live and we will be moving May 15th - or that our trip to Ontario is fastly approaching and I'm nervous about meeting Petes family.
I just miss her laugh - her stories - her friendship.
But I don't know how to say I'm sorry for everything without compromising my feelings or the anger I have inside of me - but wishing and hoping that she will come to me first is useless - because she's just like me.
So I'll post this blog and hope that she reads it and maybe contacts me if only to say one word.
Happy Birthday Darling - I'm sorry I missed it - You're no longer a teen and you didn't want me there to celebrate - I don't blame you.
I don't want me around either.

Jenn

Party Pictures

Went to Kristis social last night - had a friggen BLAST! Dean baby - you rock and we're going to go dancing again - that was the best night I've had in a long time - dancing drinking - won a prize - The morning hangover was worth it!!!! Here are some pictures - enjoy!





This one is Me and Permina - gettin jiggy wit it - the second one is of me and Dean on the dance floor doing the John Travolta - Olivia Newton John flip kick run. LMAO

Third one is the booty dance - Dean and I shaking our booties in sync. Then me and Jo - as you can see from the smiles we are already warm and toasty drunk.

Then there's me with my tounge out - I don't know what that's about - drunk and caught off guard I suppose - Then Jo and Permina - Jo looks like a turtle and Permina looks surprised to find out that she has a baby cock lodged in her mouth.

Then me Dean and Josh in our first threesome of the evening - And Jared with some boozamahol.

Me and Permina drunk and smiling - Permina LAUGHING HER ASS OFF!


A 455 drunk staff shot should be popular - Dean being "sassy" take it off baby.

This is a picture of me and Dean being SMUTTY - not SLUTTY - there's a difference!!