Why do I work with such bitch(s)?

I'm having such a miserable day today I don't even have the energy to write about how wonderful my two days away at the cabin were. For those of you who were looking forward to hearing the details of my trip, I'm sorry. I hope tommorrow will be a better day.

I was terrified of going to work today because when Carrie is mad, she is M-A-D and today she was mad at me... I was supposed to go to breakfast yesterday morning with everybody from work but I was still at the lake and I had completely forgotten about it until I got the message from Frances on my phone yesterday afternoon, asking me if I was still planning on coming out that morning. Has anyone reading ever felt like their ears were on fire? Burning ears, that's what I had because I knew Carrie had been bitching about me all day.
I don't think I deserve that. There were no definitive plans about going out for breakfast on Thursday morning and I had told them all that there was a possibility that we would be staying for two nights.

But when I got the message I knew I was in shit... Carrie came to pick me up for work today, late. When I say late I mean it was like 20 to 11 and I was being punished. She said that she had driven past and felt bad when she was just about to work and came back for me, Like SHE was being the bigger person by coming back.

I got into the car and felt instant shame. I wanted to cry. She let me know how shitty I had treated them all and that I was being punished. She was nasty to me for half the night which made me sad and angry.

If anyone remembers how Nicky Hermary was, Carrie is like her twin.
When she doesn't like you, you're screwed... I have no idea in retrospect, why I agreed to work under her.

So anyways Carrie kept asking me throughout the night what was wrong, like she didn't know.
I held it together right until the end of the night when she gave me shit for a crappy Michelin call I took. It was on Tuesday when we were having France's pot luck birthday and at about 10 after 11 I got a Michelin Pax call... and I admit I was trying to get the customer off the phone. I wanted to enjoy the party and the food everyone had made before it got cold. But admitting that, Carrie was right behind me... FINISH THE CALL FINISH THE CALL FINISH THE CALL.

I didn't properly document it and it's my fault... but she berated me in front of about 10 people, plus my supervisor Michele and then tried acting like my best friend when I couldn't take anymore and started to cry. I have a best girlfriend thank you and she would never do something that to me.

I feel like a failure this morning.
I am so out of touch with my family, it feels superficial.
I haven't been treating Pete the way he deserves. He is the person that loves me no matter what and I don't feel like I give him enough credit, he is so loyal to me, treats me so well, I love him so much... he'll be the one coming home this morning and comforting me as I cry about all of this.
I have been a bitch to my friends. Like I think I am better then them, when did I go and get such a big f'ing head? Double checking to check that my shit actually stinks. Those friends know who they are.
Work is the one place where I feel like the King of the castle.
I pride myself on knowing my shit. I feel like everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

So on top of this Carrie trying to act like my best friend, She starts to tell me that I'm going to come over and spend the day with her, sleep at her place, with no regard to the way I am so completely angry at her at that very moment. I couldn't wait to get away from her. I didn't even want her to drive me home but she insisted, and I don't need to fight with her anymore.

I don't know how long I can do this. Maybe this isn't worth it.

So I stopped at Harrys Foods on the way home to pick up some comfort food, but as of yet have not touched it, I don't have the urge.

Then I get home to these 3 e-mails, two from Melinda which I admit I deserve and sadly don't know how to respond to, and I certainly am not going to get into that whole problem right now... the people who know what I mean, know what I mean. Whatever that means.

Then the e-mail from my sister, god Katt I miss you too. I do understand that you can't come home for Christmas but that doesn't stop me from weeping over it. I didn't really give you a proper send off. Mom gave me your address so lets write letters. Christmas will not be the same here without you, we can't exactly fed ex you the smiles on our faces, or see yours in return.
And how do you send a hug through the mail. I wish you were here right now, as much as I know how you hate to hug me, I could really use one of your hugs right now.

Thanks for listening