Pictures from our night of Halloween drunken debauchery!

The award for "Drunkest Transvestite in a family restaurant" goes to...

That guy. Fucking right. What an awesome night. This is where we ended the night. Perkins 24 hour family restaurant, hootin' and hollerin with our neighboring table of drag queens. What a great time. We got to the barn party around midnight and it was of course, in full swing. Brad, the family friend with the wandering hands was completely wasted and disappointed that I hadn't been early enough that weekend to do his makeup for the first costume he donned. I then proceeded to drink myself into a stupor, having an absolutely fabulous time doing it. What a blast. I dressed as Medusa, turning many a man rock hard. LMAO. As you can tell, the boys... and Tara were LAPD, which everyone we ran into got a huge kick out of, as you can see. Pete got the brilliant idea that next year, Jacki and I will be dressed as the "FUN POLICE" we'll have uniforms and booze and it will be great, our job will be to make sure everybody is having an awesome time, and to distribute shots.
Fucking right... Time to start planning for next year! WOOT!

My man in uniform

I had my relaxation spa day and am feeling fabulously relaxed and fresh. I am actually happy. My skin is glowing from my facial and I feel beautiful.
I think that if this is what it takes for me to be that happy I am going to have to visit giseles more often for the stress relief package...
whats a $120 compared to my happiness... it's just cash.
I'm also psyched that tommorrow is the halloween party and we are ALL prepared.

Pete and some of our other friends Josh, Tara and Neil are dressing up as LAPD and I have never ever been so amazingly attracted to Pete as I have right now...
I just keep thinking about absolutely amazing sex and am currently waiting for him to get home so I can fulfill my fantasy.
That was probably too much information.
I'm not saying I'm not always attracted to Pete, because my man is hot... but I have come to the conclusion that I definitely have a thing for a man in uniform.

I am dressing up as Medusa.... oooooooooooooooooooh, yeah I have snakes for my hair and everything... but yeah, this party is gonna rock, and I'm getting laid by an officer of the Los Angelos Police Department this morning ladies and gentleman...
Too much information?
Fucked if I care.
Envy me.
He's mine.

Love, Jenn

Exhaustion

I am emotionally exhausted.
I look at myself in the mirror and can’t believe how unbelievably sad I look.
I feel alone.
Fat and alone.
Today, Pete called me needy. I have never felt so ridiculous.
I realize that he is right. I’m needy.
I crave his attention and validation constantly and spend all of my time with him.
Then, when he wants to do his own thing, I think something is wrong.
The sad thing is, Pete really is my life. I don’t like to do things outside of my home.
Pete and the kitties are my home.
I guess I don’t understand why he might need to not be around me.
When I should.
I feel tired. I am tired because I can’t seem to get a full night of sleep lately and am constantly waking up in midday and finding myself unable to stay asleep.
I think it’s because I can’t separate things in my life so that they make sense to me.
I get frustrated and try to surround myself with things that take my mind off of the problems I am really concerned about.
I have a meeting with Annie tomorrow and hopefully we will make some headway on the issues we started to discuss last week.
I need to do a 180 and get back to some semblance of a normal existence, before I start feeling like I’m 16 again.
That life is worthless and I might as well not hang around to see how much worse it can get.

New Beginnings?

I haven't had a lot to write about lately... well that's a lie. I have. I just haven't been able to think of the words to put it up here for you to read.
I'm now a 20 year old.... no more a teen.
It's weird but not really. Now no one can make fun of Pete for dating a teenager. LOL.
I can't believe we've been together 2 years. It feels like much less.
Time flies as you grow older.
Another thing I can't quite believe is that it's been months since Jacki or I have spoken to the two other girls we used to be so close with. Mel and Louise.
Stupid things were said. We all admit that.
But when I heard Mels voice on the other end of the line I was surprised and glad.
My birthday would have been pretty empty if not for my coworkers. Without them it would have been Pete, Jacki and me.
Josh was away in the States and Heidi couldn't make it.
So that's it. No more friends.
I've been feeling very lonely.
And the truth is, I don't feel like I am a good friend to begin with. I'm really not.
I'm a homebody, I don't like to go out. I prefer to spend my time with Pete because he is the only one who really gets me.
I'm pretty selfish too, I get jealous easily.
I don't trust anyone, as far as I can throw them.
I think that the relationship I need to fix now is the one I have with myself.
Wow, that sounded selfish.
Lmao... I don't think I ever learn.
What I mean is. I need to fix the way I am about certain things.
And hopefully through this new counsellor I am seeing, I will be able to fix some of my mannerisms and be able to suit myself better to my friends and to Pete...
And to do that I need to feel better about myself... meaning getting active, working out...losing weight.
But regardless, Melinda, Louise, Jacki and I are going to get together and we're going to talk. Hopefully we can be friends again, if the bond hasn't been completely broken.
My challenge now is getting Jacki to agree to a meeting. She still has some pretty strong angry feelings towards Melinda... we'll see.

Anyway, on a happier note... I got a digital camera for my birthday, so from now on you'll be treated to CURRENT PHOTOS!!!!!!!!!! YAY.

Love,

Jenn

Turkey parties!

Since high school has been over it seems like time is going much faster then I want it to.

One day blends into the next day and the next and the next and lifes excitements are few and far between. You work 5 days for 2 days off... which don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining but the things you look forward to are what keeps you going. You think... "WOOT! Our anniversary!" and you look forward to it for weeks because you anticipate it as being larger then life. Then the day comes and it feels like any other day.

Pete is so sweet. He is always trying to make me happy. He can be somewhat jaded in regards to what romance is, but I know he trys.
I am also not saying that my anniversary was bad, it was great.
I just watch too many movies and expect too many things.
That is my problem.

So now I'll find something else to look forward to that will fill me for a short time with a feeling of purpose in this life, and then in a flash it will be gone again and I'll be back where I always am.

God this sounds depressing.

I've heard that when you figure out the meaning of life... your life then lacks a purpose.
I don't want to be jaded but I don't want to know the truth either.
I PREFER to think that this is just a s-t-e-p-p-i-n-g- s-t-o-n-e on the way to some greater destination.
Let's all hope it is.
Then, I find, you don't fear death, you accept it as the next step.

Thanksgiving is really just around the corner and what do I have to be thankful for?
In an effort to cheer up this dreary column...

I am thankful for Pete, who has given me strength and wisdom that I thought was beyond me... and a love that defys predictability and social acceptance. He is my rock.

I am thankful I have friends like Jacki who see my bitchy attitude on a daily basis and don't go running for the hills.

I am thankful that I have children (although they were not shat from my womb and are of feline form) who always want to love me and be near me, regardless of what an impatient and finicky mommy I may be.

I am thankful for crisp autumn weather and the leaves falling from the trees that signifys the changes and adaptations of the world we live in.

I am thankful for kitten heels and sundresses.
Chocolate kisses and new shampoos.

I am thankful for long hot showers having the ability to change my moods from sad to blissful.

I am thankful that I have the right to choose who I am and what I want to be.

I am thankful for my b-i-g belly because it makes me, ME!